And the word is “NEED!” I know, it’s cringe worthy, right? Nobody wants to talk about their needs, let alone speak them or advocate for them. I used to not even want people to know I had needs. I wanted to be strong, self reliant and live on air. Can you relate?  People who crave deny their needs, but this too can change and it won’t make you a needy or obnoxious person.

After working with people over the years, I’ve found that behind every food craving is an unmet need. A craving is a signaling system for your unmet needs, either physical, emotional, mental or spiritual.  I wrote a blog post where I suggest you Thank Your Food Cravings, because cravings are a way of letting you know something is amiss, so you can actually address it.

Side note: For this post, I’m referring to needs, but you could just as easily call it a desire, a want, a wish, etc. Does that make it less repulsive? It’s natural to have needs and desires, right? I desire to feel satisfied, I want to feel happy, a need is no different so get over the cringe so you can get what your heart desires.

Food cravings are kinda like a game of telephone. You know how it goes, the message starts out clear, and with each person who relays the message, it changes, until it’s almost unrecognizable.

In your body, the message can go like this:

“I’m tired, I’m overwhelmed, I need some alone time NOW, please!”

When this quiet signal is ignored, it gains momentum and morphs into:

“That pizza looks really good and I’m eating it, just try to stop me”

Or

“I want ice cream, I deserve it, I don’t care that it will make me feel bad tomorrow, get out of my way”

It can be more subtle, but it can also be that strong and stronger.

The problem is, that pizza or ice cream, though it may taste oh so very good, won’t meet the need for time alone to relax, unwind and tune into yourself at a more subtle level. Why? Because the food can’t meet that need, it may numb some feelings temporarily, may boost your mood but it’s not sustainable. It may bring you pleasure, elation, joy, but it’s fleeting. Plus, sugar has helped you feel better in the past, your brain craves it, but as time goes on, you’re not satisfied, you need more to get that good feeling.

Did you know that when you’re stressed, the signal from your stomach to your brain that signals satisfaction can’t be received? When you’re relaxed, that communication CAN take place. Plus, when you’re stressed, you can’t enjoy it as much.

So what do you do with this information?

When you have a craving, don’t take it at face value. Start listening to the subtle signals you’re receiving during the day, don’t ignore them and push past them.

“I’m too busy, I can’t take time for myself right now!”

Instead, listen like you’d listen to a baby monitor for a sick child. Listen hard but softly, with intent and concern.

Ask yourself:

What do I need here?

Side note: If you don’t like that word need, try this:

What do I want, desire, wish for?

Or

What am I REALLY craving?

If you take a few deep breaths, you’ll get an answer that is from your best self, not your sabotaging self.  Ignore any nasty responses (those are normal, just not helpful), and listen deeper.

After you get used to listening to your needs, you can start taking action to meet them ahead of time. If that means speaking up to others so that you’re not in uncomfortable situations, or planning your meals so you have the food you need, or hiring a babysitter so you and your spouse have time for yourselves, so be it.

Own your needs

Your needs don’t make you weak—they make you human—and they can make you strong. They keep you on track. I doubt you would ignore the needs of someone you love, right?  It’s easy to put your own needs on hold while you take care of others, oh do I know that one! This is a pattern for those who crave, AND it’s also a pattern you can change, you must change. Sorry, you can’t put yourself last and expect to get away with it forever, there are consequences to ignoring anything.

Communicate your needs

Not listening to your needs impacts others and once you start meeting your needs, you’ll be interacting with others close to you, and some not so close to you. By putting your needs at the top of your list, you’ll find that you’re more present for the people in your life and while you may fear it will upset them, you may find that they’re relieved. Sure, some may be upset, but they’ll get over it and adjust.

Think of it like putting on your oxygen mask first, then the little person in your care. If you take care of you, you can take care of the rest of your life. Imagine a child trying to put on his mothers oxygen mask, scary, right?

Plus, the people in your life may love your new strength.  They don’t always know what you need, and they don’t like trying to read your mind especially the male of the species. I know personally, that men like to make their girlfriends or wives happy as often as they can (the smart one’s). Make it easy on him or her if you’re in a relationship, won’t you? Tell them what you need, get clear and be clear.

Back to you …

Simply acknowledging your need(s) will get you on the right path, and baby steps are okay here.

You may have resistance come up, and that’s okay.

“I don’t have time”

“My needs won’t ever get met, etc.”

Acknowledge the resistant thought(s) and move forward.

My questions for you:

What did you learn from this post?

What action will you take to listen to your needs with more intent?

Post in the comments and let me know!

Yours in health,