Sometimes, a bad experience can serve to accelerate our success like nothing else. I’m a person who tries to learn from every experience, so I don’t have to keep repeating things. I encourage my clients to do the same.

I want to share a story to illustrate how to turn a negative into a positive, so when you have painful or unfortunate things happen, you can use them as a springboard to get what you DO want. This is how I found my husband (that’s another story) and how my horse Wisdom(below) and I found each other.

As you may or may not know, I’ve recently gotten back into horses as an adult. It’s been 35 years, and a lot has changed, yet my love for horses grows daily. It’s not uncommon for people to develop a fear of riding as they mature and that happened for me. My carefree days of riding my pony bareback, bridleless and with only a halter seemed over. I was suddenly faced with the fear of riding like I’d never experienced. The problem with fear and horses is that they don’t go well together, and the more afraid I got, the more afraid the horse would get. It was a vicious circle.

A few months back I had a few bad experiences getting onto a horse. The last one left me with a very sore tailbone and even worse, a feeling of powerlessness and futility around the fear. I wondered if I’d ever get over this hurdle and be able to safely ride again. How can I get better at riding, when scary things keep happening to further accelerate the fear? After a week of nursing my tailbone, I got super clear about what I wanted. I then declared it out loud to my trainer:

“I want my own horse, who I can get to know and trust. I want to build a beautiful relationship with my horse first before I ride. I want a horse who is calm and gentle and who has a “been there, done that” attitude and won’t mind my novice ways or me flopping about as I learn. I want a horse who would let me grow with him and would also be my future healing horse. I’m okay if I never ride again and I just enjoy my horse, but I’d really prefer to ride again.”

I told my trainer exactly what I wanted, unedited, and she said, “okay, that’s what we’ll do!”

The next morning, she showed me a photo of my (now) horse Wisdom. He was out of my price range, it was months before I felt I was ready, but I felt drawn to this big beautiful boy. I went to see him and felt an immediate connection. Fast forward, that painful frustrating experience was a springboard that not only brought my perfect horse into my life but much sooner than I ever thought possible.

Had I not had that problem at the mounting block, who knows if I would have found him or at least so quickly. We don’t need bad experiences to get what we want, but that bad experience catapulted me to get SUPER clear about what I wanted and what I didn’t want. It helped me go beyond what I thought was even possible. Sometimes pain can do this.

I took Wisdom home and got to know him for three weeks before I even considered riding him. I worked with him on the ground, my trainer rode him, and he got to know me too. We snuggled a lot! We built trust and respect. Thankfully, I did get over my fear of riding and we’re having a great time together both in the saddle and on the ground playing together.

How does this relate to you and your health goals and life dreams?

When things go south, or you get frustrated, ask yourself this question:

“What do I want instead?”

Get really clear, and go for what your heart desires, not what you think you can have or what’s practical, or what will be easily achievable. Stretch yourself! That’s how you make a change in your life, by stretching beyond what you think is possible.

This horse was far from practical and a HUGE stretch for me. The decision to partner with him was one of the best decisions of my life.

When you get clear about what you want, regardless of what other people think—or even what you think is possible—you’ve got a powerful force that will pull you towards your hearts desire. Sure, obstacles will arise, as they always do as we expand towards our dreams. But if you keep moving forward, fiercely focused on what you want, you’ll get there and you’ll be a better person for the experience.

Over the years, I’ve seen this with clients. When they’re determined, they’re unstoppable. When they’re not, all kinds of inner and outer obstacles pop up to thwart their goals and dreams. Obstacles are no match when you’re clear about what you want and determined to do what it takes to get there.

Here are a few other questions:

“What have you been tolerating?”

“What would you rather have instead?”

Focus on the latter!

All the best,

Kara

ps. the last photo is of me and Wisdom going to the mounting block for our first ride together. Sometimes, he likes to snuggle before I get on him and that’s fine by me! It was a beautiful moment when I finally sat on his back and yes, I cried.